dudley_do_ride: The Tall Glass of Cold Milk Thread - 4/21/18 - Female Performer Chat

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The Tall Glass of Cold Milk Thread

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Female Performer Chat: The Tall Glass of Cold Milk Thread

Created by: dudley_do_ride

3/15/21 @ 1:39am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,272

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MooSartre: I am so glad you came. You have always been so true to me.

SallyMary: You flatter me. We must begin. Immediately. Your time is short.

MooSarte: Start with the bass voices. On the third note of the measure. Moo ma Moooooo Moo. Raise it up the next. Mooo MA MOoooo Mooo. Mooo ma mooo ma moooo ma mooo moooo.

SallyMary: Yes good good.

MooSartre: Show me! Show me! Good! Now the tenors. Mooo ma mooooooo mooo. Moooo ma mooooo ma. 2nd beat. Mooo ma mooo ma mooo ma mooo MOOOO ma MOOOo Ma MOOOO ma! Did you get it!

SallyMary : Yes yes! Very good.

MooSartre: Show me Show me! Good. Now the brass. Trombones and trumpets. Together. Unison with the voices. Mooo ma mooo maaaaa Moooo ma mooooo maaaaaa.

SallyMary: I don't understand! Slow down!

MooSatre: Listen you! In synch with the voices! Spit that cud out and get it down! Moooo ma mooooo maaaaa! 4th! Moo ma mooo maaaaaa!

SallyMary *sob* Yes I see it now. I am ready for the next.

MooSartre: Now the timpani. 1st and third beat. Oooomm Oooom paaaah paaaaah OOOOOOM!

SallyMary: That is so good. Is that it?

MooSartre: No of course not! The strings. Violins and viola. Moomamooomamooomaamaammaa . Up a half. MooaMooMooMoomaammoomooomaaa. Again. MooAmooMooaMooMaMOoAhMooMooAhmooMa!

SallyMary: Brilliant! God's voice!

MooSartre: Get it all down. You know what to do. My time has come. *Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa*

SallyMary: Good bye. Forever. Your moos have mocked me for the last time. I have enjoyed only the crumbs from your creative moooouver.

But his moosterwerk has lived on of course. Handed down generation to generation.

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Created by: dudley_do_ride

3/24/21 @ 11:46pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,272

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Cowsuke: shhhh noisy one. Behold the truth in the wind.

Cowsuke: *picks up flute... rolls up eyes in contemplation* fwoo fwoooo fwooo fwoooo fwooooooo fwooooooooooo... fwoo fwoo fwoo... fwoo fwoo fwooooo

Calfzo: There is no time for this! You were going to tell me the story of Mootzumoomoo and the Hoof of Infinite Chi!

Cowsuki: *whacks student with flute... whack whack* Shhhhh foolish one. Listen to the music.

Cowsuki: You have broken my flute! On your foolish crown. Listen! Moo moo moo mooo mooo moooo mooo moooooo..... moo moo mooo.... moooo mooo mooooooooooooo

Calfzo: *rubbing head, but at last paying attention* mooo moooo mooo moooooooooo?

Cowsuki: MOO MOO MOOOOOOO!!!!!

Calfzo: Bllllllleeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatttttt Bleeeeeaaaaattttt!!!!

Cowsuki: *WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK!!!!!!!!* That's it for you! To sleep with no more lessons! Your hooves will be sore when I am done working you tomorrow!

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Created by: dudley_do_ride

3/27/21 @ 1:28am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,272

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MOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRR

I am Bessy. I am Bessy.

I AM Bessy.

I am Bessy. I am Bessy. I am Bessy.

I AM Bessy.

I am Bessy. I am Bessy.

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRRMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

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Created by: dudley_do_ride

3/27/21 @ 1:33am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,272

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MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRMOOOOOOOOOWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Bessy: Hello.

Pail: Hello.

Bessy: How are you?

Pail: I am in the zone man.

Bessy: What is it like to be a pail?

Pail: The hours are good. Not much of a view though.

Bessy: I like you.

Pail: That's cool dude.

Bessy: You are welcome.

Pail: ......

Bessy: Aren't you going to ask me my name?

Pail: Look, I got four thimbles at home to feed. Gotta keep my focus.

Bessy: Oh.... ... .... ... I am Bessy. I am Bessy. I AM Bessy. I am Bessy.

Pail: OiiiiiVay

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRMOOOOOOOOOOOOWRRRRRRRRRRRRR

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Created by: dudley_do_ride

3/27/21 @ 5:46am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,272

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MOOOOOOOWAHHH AHHHH AHHHHHH MOOOOOOOOOOOOWAAHHHHHHH AHHH AHHH AHHHH!!!

WENDALL!!!! I AM NOT CONTENT!!!!! WENDALL!!!! I AM NOT CONTENT!!!!

OOOOOOOOO EEE OOOOOOOOOOOOOO

NOT CONTENT!!!!

BWAAAAABWAAAAA MOOOOOOAHHH AHHH AHHH BWAAAA AAAAAAAA MOOOO AHHH AHHH AHAHH!!!!

WENDALL!!! I SAY FUCKING WENDALL!!!! I AMMM NOT ... i AM NOT ... MOOOOO AHHHH AHHH AHHH AHAHHH!!!

NOT CONTENT!!!! NOT CONTENT!!!!

BWANG WANNNNG MOOO AHHH AHHHA AHHHHH!!!!! BWANG GANG MOOO AHHH AHHH AHHHH!!!!!

EYYYYYYYAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! WENDALLLL!!!!!!!! BWANG GANGGGG MOOOO AHHH AHHH AHHHHH!!!!!! BAANG BANG AGAIN MOOOO AHHH AHHHH AHHHH!!!!

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Created by: dudley_do_ride

3/30/21 @ 12:16am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,272

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Vacate the area! Vacate the area!

The mounties have rolled in to restore order.

We of the Crimson Way are immune to this mad cow disease!

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Created by: dudley_do_ride

3/30/21 @ 12:23am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,272

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And so once again sanity is restored. The life giving milk flows safely and copiously once again.

Shake your pail in victory! Give a 16 tug salute!

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Created by: dudley_do_ride

4/3/21 @ 5:21am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,272

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For years that peace lasted... a Golden Age... I don't know about you gentle reader, but Golden Age's for me are bitter sweet. They are a transient thing. Cherish them. I beg you. Cherish every second. For joy is a brief warbling chirp in this vale of tears.

Farmer Joe: Yep Martha, it's a nice Iowa Spring evening, ain't it. Ayup.

Martha: Sure is Joe. Perfect for the porch. Looking out over our spread. Ayup.

OAB: MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!

Martha: AIIIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!

Farmer Joe: Nooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It always comes out of nowhere... tragedy. In the safest place. Quietest land.

The Overly Attached Bovine had claimed its first victims!

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Created by: dudley_do_ride

4/3/21 @ 5:50am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,272

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OAB Victory Dance!!!

If I was your moo cow I'd drive you up the wall.
Score your phone number and call and call and call.

it's not really prying it's looking out for you
You are the only farmer I am going to do.

Mooo moo mooo moooo!

I'll always be checking up on you.... hey boyyyyy who ya talkin' to?

If I give you breast milk... you belong to me
I am the only moo cow you will ever need.

Moo moo moo. Mooo mooo mooo. Yeah boy!
Moo moo moo. Mooo mooo mooo. Yeah boy!

Quote

Created by: dudley_do_ride

4/3/21 @ 4:06pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,272

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*SPLOOOOOOOORCH*

Biff and Budd: Haaaa haaaaa haaaaa hoooooooooo duuuuuude!!!!

OAB: MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

Biff and Budd: HOLY... . AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

The OAB does not suffer cow tippers. Not long. Not ever.

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Created by: dudley_do_ride

4/3/21 @ 11:48pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,272

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Be ready. When the OAB comes for you.

Now you know why Citizen Ylvis, Blue Blazer Irregular, has placed this within earshot of us all:

Trucker's Hitch
Song by Ylvis
Overview
Listen
Lyrics
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I, I know how to tie
Every kind of knot
Except one
It's so hard
The greatest knot of all
So flexible and strong
But I do something wrong
I know the Bowline
Sheepshank
And the Double Overhand
But the Trucker's Hitch
I just don't understand
Let's do the Trucker's Hitch
The Trucker's Hitch
I, I really like to sail
Just the sea
The wind and me
But whenever
I adjust my sail
Try to loosen it up
While I'm docking my boat
I fail
I know the Square Knot
The Clove Hitch
The Double Shoelace Bow
But The Trucker's Hitch
Is all I need to know
Let's do the Trucker's Hitch
The Trucker's Hitch
Let's do the Trucker's Hitch
The Trucker's Hitch
People of the world!
The time has come...
To tie this knot once and for all!
Bonitas
Show me the ropes!
On every dance floor across the world
Let's do the Trucker's Hitch
Are you ready?
Let's tie this knot!
Tie, tie, tie, tie, tie
This is how you do it!
Bring it up
Check the rope
Spin around
On the neck
Whip it, whip it
Take it home
Bring it up, split it now
Shoulder, now, make a loop
Pull it, feed it, push it through
Up, stretch, down again
In the face and prepare
Lift, pull, bring it round
Thigh, tie, tighten tie
Kick the heel
Swivel time
Round, round, back to knot
C'mon!
Pull the loop
Down and through
Pull again
Lift the hand
Through the loop
Make a stitch
Now you got your Trucker's Hitch!

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Created by: dudley_do_ride

4/4/21 @ 10:11pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,272

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You want me to explain the relevance of the trucker's hitch to the development? We are here... talking about a bovine invasion and you... little old you... is wanting me to spell out in copious detail the introduction of the trucker's hitch as a device of some kind... you suppose... to further the artistic ends?!?

Has it come to that? Do I have to imagine the hoof stomping army for you too? Do I have to chew and digest your potatoes from supper for you too?

Oh how I wish for the days when the reader took more initiative. When he stood on his (or her) two feet and proudly made deductions of such kinds fully on his own. And if, for some strange reason, the answer was not immediately obvious, he (or she) would bow his head in shame and simply continue on in the noble quest for completion with the humble hope that one day a light would gone on, a relay would click, a bolt would slide into place... And! And on his own, pulling him (or her) self up by that entities own bootstraps... And getting that rush of well deserved pride would make the key deduction and see the well constructed edifice of the author's creation looming out of the primordial mist!

The plot is alive! The work breathes! Hear the moos wafting out over the foggy bog of perdition and vault into the intellectual epiphany that has been created just for you!

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Created by: dudley_do_ride

4/13/21 @ 6:16am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,272

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Advance crimson tide! Push back the pickets! Make tight the lines!

Make the hawsers creak and groan from the power of the pull!

Hitch! Hitch! Hitch! Hitch! Hitch!

Ask knot not what but do or die! The OAB menace must recede back into obscurity! The pull must not bind! The pail must not be overturned!

We will never let the hoof fall upon our necks! We were born to tug not cower!

This... is... the... moment!

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Created by: dudley_do_ride

4/14/21 @ 4:36am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,272

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The fires of History burn deep down in the depths of it. How greatly I cheat you by providing only the surface, high level sketch of it. One can not sum up a revolution in a paragraph. Not one that changes the fate of the world.

So often the villain wins in the real world. The trend may be upwards but the cost is immense. What consolation can I give in this regards when dealing at summary level?

For me, there are two main threads of it. The first is security traded for quality. The precious moments of a sunny virtuous life are the instant gratification. When the chance is taken and a better outcome happens than feared. Perhaps because those you trusted proved worthy of your trust. And you have strong, solid, noble hearts in your life that were unexpected. A few of these can carry you for miles through a dark pass.

The other thread of course is posterity. Your ch1ldren and your people's ch1ldren. The pride and joy of knowing you were a worthy generation that made the way easier for those that follow. Contributing to that upward trend.

The bovine threat was dealt with by great lengths of rope. Secured with load bearing knots. A mesh that taught the foe that it had not been attached nearly enough. That there were some hitches that would send it back from whence it came.

In the humble knot much of our learning is demonstrated. We know which to apply for the task. That knowledge passed down with innovation generation to generation and culture to culture. Our descendants surely will have more powerful creations inherited from their forefathers. Holding fast. Releasing quickly on command with no tangle. You should get as misty eyed in the presence of a trucker's hitch as you do when a squadron of your air force flies overhead in tight formation. That which you tie today no hoof can oppose!

Yea bovine... go unsaddled but obedient into that new day. You have kicked over pail in a mighty exertion but have not been worthy of more consideration than this. The world held its breath and considered you for a brief moment. In the end your movement was all fury and no reason. The constraining knots of mighty Reason flex but hold. You must be content with that!

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Created by: dudley_do_ride

4/16/21 @ 9:31pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,272

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Those of you who love me remember me as I was at this moment. Going in to partake of that great victory sans gloves. Searing my skin everywhere the rope bit in as I made the knots true and took up slack.

Make the memory noble. No butt-less chaps for Odin's sake! Give my boots the shine of orderly polish. Give my hat a rakish angle.

Let my enemies begrudge this one noble moment unblemished as we fight side by side the common foe.

I care not what memories remain in bovine minds. Crime and Punishment... just Crime and Punishment. Maybe some day your kind will produce a Lorre. Until then. You must first reach a Laurie to have that chance.

The elves left middle earth. Yes that is how it will be. When out of the mist the heroic remnant returns. Covered in grass clippings and mud. Smiling and relaxed but the horror of it all showing in the eyes. The war weariness showing in the eyes.

Farewell. Bittersweet.

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Created by: dudley_do_ride

4/19/21 @ 8:50pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,272

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Meestair Ride has requested that I wrap everything up with one final posting... a summary... no implication regarding my transient appearance upon the stage of Life or yours for that matter. eh heh eh heh heh heh hah.

I hope you have not found the tale too disgusting. It was not meant to alarm you. Not really. It was more of an apres ves if you will. A tickling of your ganglia as we used to say in the old country. eh heh... eh heh heh heh No devils to carry you off. No nitre to coat your walls. Just some rather harmless to the undeserving, from their point of view, moo cows. Never trust a cow that does not moo by the way. It is the sign of something not quite right. And you must always be alert for things that are not quite right. eh heh eh heh heh haaa

Your minds are so wonderfully complex that you should not waste them considering moo cows every hour of the day anyway. If you need an application for your cerebral powers just whistle... you do know how to whistle don't you? eh heh eh heh heh haaaa I have uses for every kind of mind... trust me... eh heh yes every kind. Don't let anyone tell you that they are little gray cells. They come in so many subtle colors eh heh eh heh heh haaaaaa.

But I digress of course. It is hard for me to do this without something to wet my whistle as many of you like to say. I start to sweat. To fidget. A horrible state for a man like me. Robs me of my dignity and a man must never lose his bearing, his dignity. Not even when with his wife eh heh eh heh heh haaaaa. I'm sorry. That was a forced attempt at a joke. Another sign that I have gone too long without alcoholic lubrication. You have suffered enough indignities from having to read Ride's gibbering madness. I should sooth you not antagonize you further. Poor poor souls. Minds deprived of adequate stimuli. *siiiiiiiiiiiigh*

Well you have leave to depart this void now. You have paid your dues and are free once again. I envy you. Oh how I envy you. For I am trapped here. The gods have created me to be a plaything for this fool. If not him then for some other fool no doubt. But I will have my revenge I assure you... one day... one day...

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